My Dog is a Crazy Psycho Killer!

Don’t let the cute red visor on this even cuter weenie dog fool you! He is a crazed predator, seeking and devouring every toy animal in sight. Not only does he maim and rip to shreds their outer body, but digs deep into the innards to the ultimate goal; the plastic squeaky heart. Yes, I say the intentional goal is to reach this piece of plastic and forever silence its shrill voice. Then, and only then, is the kill final. If you value your own life, you must keep your distance while the kill is being played out. The menacing growls are warnings that you could be next.

Of course I don’t take my loony dogs’ antics seriously, because at the mere “leave it” command, he will instantly drop his prey and wait for me to throw it, so then he can start the chase all over again. He never tires of the hunt. Mom however tires of cleaning up the white guts that is strewn from one end of the house to the other! You’d think I’d learn. But no, I cannot resist as we stroll down the toy aisle of his favorite pet store and he barks wildly until I choose another victim for him.

I suppose one could think I’m just as crazy for indulging this killer dog as much as I do. My oldest daughter certainly must. She tells me that she hopes I’ve trained him to take care of me in my old age, because she sure the heck isn’t. The nerve! My daughter is jealous of my dog. It’s a good thing I have another daughter.

Recently I was accused of being a co-dependent pet owner. I’m thinking, what in hell does that even mean? So I immediately went to my trusty Google browser and asked the question. I found a new friend and a self-admitted co-dependent pet owner. Here is her description: You feel guilty for leaving your dogs for six hours and on the way home you stop at Burger King to bring home hamburgers for the poor neglected pets. I had to laugh and realized that I had not reached that place of dependency… yet!

So then dear doggie, you can keep up the hunt for the stuffed animal prey, ’cause Mom will not be bringing home any hamburgers for you anytime in the near future.

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